I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
