Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize