I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize