New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
