Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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