I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
