Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
