oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
