I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
