I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
