i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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