During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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