I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You need Xanax blowdarts
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am naked and annoyed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
