We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
