So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
