last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
