i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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