Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
