I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
barbara walters just said penis...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
