Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
