Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
