I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
