I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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