Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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