I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
