My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
