i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
