I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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