Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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