oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
