i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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