no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
