God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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