I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just found puke in my bra..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
