I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
