dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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