You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
