Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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