I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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