Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
