i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
operation harelip BJ is a go
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
