Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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