im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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