Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
