I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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