Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
