I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
