Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
