Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
