Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
