Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Randomize
