Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sorry my hands just texted you
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dear god my vagina.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
