the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
