My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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