You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
