I'm lost and stupid without you.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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