Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
