I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
