In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am available for nakedness
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
