I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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