you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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