someone threw a dead crab at me
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
