Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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