i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Vodka?
Forever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
