I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize