He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
