I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The beer is more important than you right now.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
