well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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