Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize