I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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