I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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