Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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