I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my shit smells like andre
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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