I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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