operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
