Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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