Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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