After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
