Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
